Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
