she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
