I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
