The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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