Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
