I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
