omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
