He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
