I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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