All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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