Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
