Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
