I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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