I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
