so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
