Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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