also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
