i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
