Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
