I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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