the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
