Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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