The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a search helicopter?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
