Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
