I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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