Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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