11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
