gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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