You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
