He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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