It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
