I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
