evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
