I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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