Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
