I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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