i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
