You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
