I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
