Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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