i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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