But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
