Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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