Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
