hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
