I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
