whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
