So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
