so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
