Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is Oprah even human
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
