How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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