I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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