i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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