i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
