he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
