so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
