Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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