It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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